


la douleur exquise

by peacockgothjunsu



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drunk Texting, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacockgothjunsu/pseuds/peacockgothjunsu
Summary: its been three long years and jongdae still regrets not telling tao the truth.





	la douleur exquise

It’s been three years. Three years since Tao left the group and went back to China, three years of regret, of wishing he’d been brave enough to tell Tao the truth.

Kim Jongdae is in love. In love with a man he’ll probably never get to see in person again, or at least not until he’s left SM, left EXO. He hears news from time to time, of Tao dating some beautiful Chinese actress, or breaking the hearts of China’s women in some new drama.

Jongdae watches those dramas. Religiously, marveling at the way a man as soft and sweet as Tao can play such a dramatic asshole. Sometimes he wonders how much Tao has changed, he wonders if he ever thinks of him.

He doesn’t move on. The others notice, try to take him out, to introduce him to other people, but it doesn’t help. Something about that girl’s laugh reminds him of Tao’s, something about the way that guy stands reminds him of the way Tao stood when he was nervous.

Jongdae misses Tao’s eye smiles, his nose, the way he would get so scared by things as innocent as a house cat. He misses his high giggle, his peals of laughter, deemed unmanly by some, perfect by Jongdae. He misses stealing cuddles, during movie nights with the group, or on quiet nights, or even on stage. He misses Tao’s propositioning him for showers, showering with him, never really touching, but definitely stealing glances.

He’s drunk right now, curled up and cuddling a teddy bear Tao accidentally left behind and has seemingly forgotten about. He stares at his phone, at the contact photo he still has for Tao, after all this time. The picture is a little blurry, of Tao laughing, fresh from being tickled by Chanyeol.

Jongdae might be crying...or maybe there’s some tiny leak in the ceiling he’s not sure. It’s doubtful, but he wishes it were so, so he wouldn’t have to admit to missing Tao this much after all this time. He’s never tried to contact Tao, obeying SM’s rules, figuring Tao would have changed his number from his South Korean one.

Something motivates him to open a text message. He spends what feels like forever typing out variations of _I love you_ and _How are you_ as the tears continue falling. He’s so tired, just wants to sleep.

As Jongdae starts to finally drift off, the phone slips out of his lax hand, thumb brushing over the send button.

 **Chen Chen:** _I miss u so muchh Taozi <3_

A very hungover Kim Jongdae will wake in the morning to find a reply.

 **Taozi:** _God i miss u 2. Call me sometime?_

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in like 3 years and ofc its a rarepair! enjoy!


End file.
